unravelling at night what she had woven during the day, as a clever ploy to “buy time” and stave off hungry suitors - Odyssey

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PAINNYC: The Tyranny of the Thesis Statement

I had decided to title this post, The Tyranny of the Thesis Statement. Then I Googled it and noted that someone else has already written that essay. Good for that guy! I am glad that I am not the only one who thinks thesis statements are horrible things that we ought to do away with forever, like every other shibboleth of old-timey writing instruction (I’m looking at you, five-paragraph essay!).
I cannot tell you how much I loathe thesis statements and everything they stand for. In my own work, I refuse to write thesis statements or anything that resembles them. I sincerely believe that no piece of decent prose contains anything that might be mistaken for a thesis statement. Thesis statements and good writing are utterly incompatible.
Furthermore, I most certainly will never – no matter how emphatic the department grading rubric – advise my students to write thesis statements. Why? Because I choose to treat student writers like the intelligent people they are. And – to the degree that it is possible – I choose to teach writing in a manner that takes into consideration the way that good writing is actually produced. No writer ever claimed s/he came up with a rad thesis statement and then went on to build an awesome essay around it, just like her 8thgrade English teacher told her to do. I do not believe that such a scenario has ever occurred since the invention of the written word.
So why are students obsessed with thesis statements?
In my classes, most students have been told all their lives that they have to write thesis statements to write well. Most of them also had to pass some stupid writing test to graduate from high school. This is why they are traumatized. Even though I never mention thesis statements in class, students still ask me about them. They ask if they can “clear” their thesis statements with me before writing, as if I am an air traffic controller of the written word. In workshops, they advise each other to write better thesis statements and to include them in the first paragraph of every essay. Because that is where thesis statements live. Since I never utter the word, I marvel at how well the students police each other. They are haunted by the ghost of thesis statements past.
Here’s the thing about thesis statements that confuses me the most: what the fuck are they? A thesis is a sentence you’re supposed to put in your essay that states, unequivocally and without doubt, what your point is? Is that a practice we really want to encourage young people to engage in? Why would anyone who really cares about writing or thinking want to do that?  What about inquiry or exploration or – god forbid – figuring out what you are saying after you write something? What about the reality that writing is a messy, brutal business that no formula or series of rules could possibly prepare you for?

That brings me to the real reason I do not care for thesis statements. I despise them not only because they turn writing into a formula or a container for content, like a cement mixer of the mind. I also detest thesis statements because I strongly oppose the idea that we should aspire to know things for certain as either a consequence or a precondition of writing. It’s better to teach students – and to remind ourselves – to admire ambivalence and contradiction and to think of writing as a way to cultivate those things, not abolish them. That is what very good writing – a rare and beautiful thing – should be: a reflection of a commitment to knowing nothing at all and to writing forever into that void.

untitled

On 2013-12-08, at 4:33 PM, He wrote:

……

The gov't absolutely slashed the national archives budget. They are not taking in new archives; they don't have the staff to even deal with what they have. They are putting serious cash into this recent propaganda institution. Same as with what they did with the other one. Of course, it's a political discussion, and it's much harder to control history when historians have ready access to full archives of interesting canadians. 

And I obviously agree that academe is far from perfect in a curatorial role, but I rather engage with concrete solutions, and while it may not be ideal, it's better than being run by the Heritage minister.. I'm sorry, girl, but I find theoretical discussions, which provide critiques don't propose any solutions, rather taxing on my patience of late.


On Sun, Dec 8, 2013 at 4:38 PM, She wrote: 

do I tax your patience? 

On 2013-12-08, at 4:43 PM, He wrote:

I am absolutely elated to be out of academy, and perhaps some day I can re-engage with ideas for idea's sake, but I am so far from there right now. 

On Sun, Dec 8, 2013 at 4:47 PM, She wrote:

if you’re not emotionally available, and you can’t stand listening to my thoughts... all that is left is sex


On 2013-12-08, at 4:52 PM, He wrote:

so let's just take a break then.

I'll always be happy to run into you, and won't shy away from sending you interesting tidbits, and I hope you would do the same. It's wonderful that you have the opportunity to be able to critically engage with these important issues, but school by the end nearly killed my intellectual curiosity, and at its most theoretical, it triggers all sorts of bad memories. 

On Sun, Dec 8, 2013 at 5:06 PM, She wrote:

I read that as you don't see any role for me in your life, as a confidant, lover, peer or otherwise? That there is no need or room, for me? When you use the word 'break', do you mean that at some point you'd like to return to our friendship, however qualified?


On Sun, Dec 8, 2013 at 5:20 PM, He wrote:

we've already established I'm completely incapable in providing you with any semblance of emotional support, you are triggering right now all sorts of latent resentment for certain aspects of the academic project (one day, I'll be able to re-engage, but right now, it's really getting a rise out of me), and I just don't think we should continue a sexual relationship with these serious impediments to the formation of a healthy relationship, built on mutual trust and respect, no matter how much I appreciate our sex. You should be with someone who doesn't have such visceral reactions to the above. 

Part of it is clearly a rather stubborn, albeit latent, refusal on my part to devote myself to another person right now (and it pains and guilts me to act like this in the face of your boundless amounts of generosity and kindness in my regard, but I find myself absolutely unable to reciprocate it). However, I also must think that if this felt more right, I'd be less of an unqualified jerk. Something is not right, even if I can't put my finger on it. I don't want to treat you, or anyone, like this. I want to be able to give myself to someone as unselfishly as you have been able to with me. I envy your ability to do so, all the more, in the face of the challenges you have faced in the past.  

Ideally, I'd love nothing more for us to be civil with one another moving forward, to not shy away from each other when we run into each other, and to be able to send each other stuff, or even debate ideas (I'm brimming with interest in debating remedies to problems!!!), if the impulse arises. I'm sorry I can't offer you what you deserve. 

On 2013-12-08, at 5:34 PM She wrote: 


I am glad clarity has arrived for you.

(I accuse the university in a public forum, should I care?)

From: Fred, PhD Candidate at The Neoliberal University
Subject: Holy fuck
Date: 8 November, 2013 7:42:55 PM EST
To: Carly

OK, here goes.

So, my supervisor got in trouble by the university. Check this:

------      ------      ------      ------
Canadian University Disciplines Radical Professor


8 Nov 2013 — Professors at The Neoliberal University in Canada have just received written evaluations. The letters are dated November 7 and grade faculty members for their performance in 2012-13. The evaluations are done by the Deans of Science, Social Science and Humanities. They are based on reports on teaching, university service and research that faculty members were required to submit in October.

Professor Punk is a full professor at The Neoliberal University and was Director of the PhD Program in Randomly Interdisciplinary Studies from 2010 to 2013. ‘I am still in a state of shock,’ he says. ‘I received a form letter signed by the Dean of Humanities saying that my performance is only “generally satisfactory” and I am required to attend in his office with a representative of the Neoliberal University faculty union to develop a plan so that I am not evaluated as “unsatisfactory” in 2013-14. Punk is currently on sabbatical.


The new system of evaluation is mandated by changes in the collective agreement between The Neoliberal University and its faculty association. Under the old system all professors submitted an annual report to the Dean with a copy to their departmental chair. At that point the chair could discuss any problems with individual faculty members. However the real evaluation was done by COAP, the Neoliberal University committee that handles faculty promotion and tenure. ‘The new system seems to represent a significant shift away from evaluation by your peers to evaluation by the Deans,’ says Punk.


The problem identified by Some Guy, Neoliberal's Dean of Humanities, is that Punk has no academic publications in 2012-13. ‘That’s true,’ says Punk, ‘but the main reason is that I was Director of a PhD Program and on a lot of university committees. That really affects the time you have available for research and publishing. Punk says that the evaluation does not take into account a book chapter that he spent the summer of 2012 writing, which has been delayed in publication. 
------      ------      ------      ------      ------

It's the continual neoliberalization of the university and valuing publications over teaching, supervision. Not to mention, he is 'published' and the most respected in the 'punk' field.
Now, I'm sad.

I'm about to post a huge write up on my program's wall. I think there are a number of ways to get involved and speak not only on behalf of Alan, but against the neoliberalization of the university. The valuing of publications over teaching and supervision silences pro-active, on-the-ground engagements that professors engage in. It is important to locate and think about Alan's radical politics within the university's neoliberal web of power. Is this mistreatment more a product of Alan's politics, not his supposed 'lack of publishing?' It is important to get Alan's thoughts before, we as a group, discuss what steps should be taken. I'll email him. 

(I accuse the university in a public forum, should I care?)

Fred
______________________________________________________________________________

On 2013-11-09, at 7:46 PM, Carly wrote:

FRED!

Your university seems to have a strange rubric to evaluate professors? do they only measure money pulled in and publications?

DO DEPARTMENTS MAGICALLY RUN THEMSELVES?!

And if he has full tenure, why the fuck are they evaluating him, anyway? 

xo
Carly

WHAT'S MY GRADE?

From: Student
Subject: COURSE ###- Case Study
Date: 14 November, 2012 11:46:21 AM EST
To: PhD TA

Hi, 

Just one quick question about the case study that was returned in yesterdays class. What would my mark be in a percentage? I received an A on the paper.

Thanks,

Student
________________________________________________________________________________________

On 2012-11-14, at 5:07 PM, TA wrote:
Hi Student,

I can't give you a precise answer, but I like to think A's are 83.5-88.5.

Does that help?
TA
__________________________________________________________________________________________

On 2012-11-14, at 5:11 PM, Student wrote:

Thanks for your reply. I guess my main question how will that A be figured into my final mark? 

Thanks,
Student
___________________________________________________________________________________________

On 2012-11-14, at 5:39 PM, TA wrote:

Student-

Well, this assignment is worth 40%. so you have a 33.5-35/ 100 at the moment. If you break it down this way, you will see that the margins aren't as big as you might think, yielding only a few grade combinations that would raise eyebrows. To put a finer point on it, a bit of discretion is required when working with the lettering system. 

I am not marking your final exam, so the final word as to how your final grade will fall will be up to PROFESSOR.

Ya?
TA
___________________________________________________________________________________________

On 2012-11-14, at 6:34 PM, Student wrote:

TA,

Are you essentially saying that no thought has really been given to what percentage that A will be? As in my paper was assigned the grade "A" but the actual percentage that I received on the paper will be determined when calculating the final mark? 

Disgruntled Student

__________________________________________________________________________________________

On 2012-11-14, at 9:07 PM, Pissed off TA wrote:

Disgruntled Student,

Please explain what you mean by "no thought".

I've CC'd the professor on this email. 

I look forward to your answer.  

Best,
Pissed off TA
___________________________________________________________________________________________

On 2012-11-14, at 9:54 PM, The PROFESSOR wrote: 

Dear Disgruntled Student,

I approach that 1.5% span in your favour if your exam indicates you're tuned in to the course. If you turn out to be one of those people I mentioned the other night who have written a good paper but figure they don't have to bother with the rest of the course and therefore evince a dearth of knowledge of  The Field, you're not going to gain that benefit.

I am, as THE CHAIR might say, "the decider" :-).

Kick butt on the exam and this reads 35. Rest on your laurel's and totally blow the exam for obvious lack of interest and it's a clear 33.5. Being familiar with you and observing your attentiveness in class suggest to me you're liable to wind up with a 35. I'm confident you won't disappoint!

The Professor
___________________________________________________________________________________________

On 2012-11-14, at 9:58 PM, Embarrassed Student wrote:

Hi POTA,

Sorry I didn't mean that in a negative way... I should have specified that before! 

And Professor. Sorry, I just realized I never CC'd you in my reply- I'll paste it below. I'm very sorry for the poor wording of that email- I should have been more careful. 

Sorry!

Student

Belly of the Beast

From: Admin for the BIG DEAL I.O.
Date: 1 April 8:51:13 CST
To: <Ph.D.enthusiast@university.ca>
Subject:  RE : Interview for the position of Intern , BIG DEAL I.O. 

Dear Ph.D. Enthusiast, 

I am glad to inform you that you have been selected for the internship position of your dreams with the BIG DEAL I.O., in the Unit your Ph.D. dissertation focuses on. 

Thank you and best regards, 

Admin for the BIG DEAL I.O. 

From: <Ph.D.enthusiast@university.ca>
Date: 1 April 8:57:54
To: <Ph.D.Supervisor@university.ca>
Subject: TR: RE: Interview for the position of Intern, BIG DEAL I.O.

Advisor,

So, what do I do? Technically, it does not slow down my field research.

Enthusiast

From:  <Ph.D.Supervisor@university.ca>
Date: 1 April 10:14:21
To: <Ph.D.enthusiast@university.ca>
Subject: RE: TR: RE: Interview with BIG DEAL I.O.

Hi Enthusiast,

Evidently, to spend a couple of months in the belly of the beast presents some interest, but be careful. They might want to keep you (trilingual, assertive, well trained, field research experience, resourceful, organized, etc) and it might interest you (the centre of the world, tax free salary, etc). You ABSOLUTELY need to drop them once you’re done and to not stop your research while you are in the centre of the world. The internship will give credibility to your discussion of the thing you’ve been talking about for 6 years, not to mention the contacts you will make, and the documentation/discussions you could not access otherwise. But the most important thing is to finish your Ph.D., and then move on to the post-doc (or go back to the centre of the world) but with your Ph.D. in hand.  

Advisor

ACCEPTED, REJECTED, ACCOMMODATED?


Subject:   ACCEPTANCE
Date:   Thu, 16 May, 2013 1:58 pm
To:   Student

Congratulations!

Attached you will find your official offer of admission.

Please note that in order to accelerate the process, no additional documents will be sent by mail. You may send us your reply by e-mail, fax, standard post or in person.

Kind regards,

Administrator

Subject:   Qualifying for Program (decision) Executive Committee, FGPS
From:   Chairofcommittee@university.com
Date:   Thu, 4 July, 2013 9:26 am
To:   Student
Cc:   Committeemember1@university.com
Committeemember2@university.com
Committeemember3@university.com
Committeemember4@university.com
Committeemember5@university.com
Committeemember6@university.com
Committeemember7@university.com

Dear Student,

The Executive Committee of the FGPS has considered your request to be admitted to The Program despite not having met the conditions of your qualifying  program. The Committee was not willing to grant your request at present. However, if you retake This course and That course in the Fall 2013 session and achieve This grade, your admission to The program will be approved for January 2014.

Sincerely,

Chair

Subject:   FW: Decision Executive Committee of FGPS -- Qualifying Program
From:   Academic.services.officer@university.com
Date:   Thu, 4 July, 2013 2:16 pm
To:   Student
Cc:   department.admin@university.com
chair.of.department@university.com
co.chair.of.department@university.com

Hello,

After reception of the decision of the executive committee of the FGPS we have proceeded with the cancellation of your registration to The Program for the fall 2013 and winter 2014.

We recommend that you register for the fall semester to The Required Course in order to be considered for admission into The Program in the winter 2014.  We also recommend that you take a graduate course that will enable you to progress as some of the courses are prerequisite.  

Regards,

Academic Services Officer

update


From: Advisor <Advisor@bigshot.com>
Tue, Dec 11, 2011 at 1:09 PM
To: PhD Candidate <phd.candidate@email.com>

Hi,

Just touching base. I’m not in my office much these days—Tuesdays and most Wednesdays are the best days to catch me (I’m around tomorrow at 2:30 or next Tues between 10 and 3). Don’t hesitate to email as well. 

Hope you’re developing the ideas we discussed last month about a modified comp proposal. I suspect at this point it you won’t quite have it ready for us before the Christmas break. No worries if this is the case, but it would be good to have something for us early in the new year for the committee to review and discuss with you. Remember, the proposal doesn’t have to be comprehensive at this stage—just enough for a constructive preliminary discussion with the three of us about your project and for us to agree on any modifications before you develop it more fully and wrap it up for the full comp oral (and completion of comp requirements) later Winter Term.

All the best, 

Advisor


From: PhD Candidate <phd.candidate@email.com>
Thu, Dec 13, 2011 at 2:21 PM
To: Advisor <Advisor@bigshot.com>

Thanks for the message. I am slowly working away at the proposal. I have been highly distracted this semester by my mother's diagnosis. And I'm not making an excuse, but I had to reprioritize my life and deal with my family so that I can move forward. I'm in my home- town with my mother now. She's being taken off chemo next weekend because her body can't take it anymore. I told you I could cope, but I struggled and couldn't cope as well and balance everything as I let on.

I hope to come back in January with some fresh perspective and work done.

See you in the new year and all the best to you and you family over the holiday.

PhD Candidate


From: Advisor <Advisor@bigshot.com>
Fri, Dec 14, 2011 at 11:02 AM
To:PhD Candidate <phd.candidate@email.com> 

Hi,

I suspected you were distracted and I'm sorry to hear about your mom's struggles with her illness. While we can tell ourselves to rationally compartmentalize the issues, our reactions tend to be much more difficult when it comes to family and friends, especially where there are complex histories. Try to relax as much as you can over the holidays, look for cheer, and we'll chat in the new year.

All the best, 

Advisor


From: Not Deterred <undiscouragable@email.com>
Date: 09/2/11
To: Aid
Subject: update

Oh hi,

Apologies again for the misfired email the other week. I hope you have been keeping well.

I just received an email concerning my application to Fancy American School: my name has not been put forth for admission to the What I Want To Do  program. Thank you again for all your advice and support--I've really appreciated all of your detailed descriptions of life at Fancy American School. I do hope that we can stay in touch.

Enjoy the sunshine. Warmly,

ND.


From: Aid <aid@supportive.com>
Date: 16/2/11
To: Not Deterred
Subject: re: update

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear this. I know this is not going to be of help -- but to give you perspective: a friend who spend two years at Fancy American School working with the faculty in the department was not offered admission.

The point is this -- when you have 5 applications per 1 spot, we can speak of something being "competitive," and feel bad when we don't get something; when you have 15 applications per 1 spot -- the story is different.

Do let me know where you'll be next year; and if I can be of help with respect to anything - don't hesitate to write. It'll be love to get together when I pass Toronto on the way to Europe (I think this May /June).

A


To: Ms. Aid <aid@supportive.com>
Date: 05/03/11
From: Peer

Hey,

I am sorry to hear that your colleague was not offered admission. That sounds like an awfully intense situation for your friend. I cannot imagine how that they must feel.

I am also sorry to say that such a situation does put my own into perspective. I knew the chances of my acceptance were slim given the size of the pool of applicants. I am, however, happy that I tried and that my name and my interests, are in some capacity, known to faculty
at Fancy American School. That, and I would not have had the pleasure of correspondence with you had I not attempted an application. On that note, I would be delighted to share time and space when you're in This City passing through to That Continent.

I have my fingers crossed that I'll hear something positive from Other Fancy American School. I'll be sure to keep you posted!

I hope this finds you well,

P.

Hidden Discouragement


From: Misplaced Advice
To: Emancipator 
Subject: a long overdue hello

Hi!

I hope this email finds you well. It's good to be in contact with you after so many years! 

I've been hearing from family members that you would like to have a conversation with me about PhD work. I am definitely interested in your thoughts on the process as well as your experiences as a doctoral student. 

Are you teaching for the summer term? What campus do you teach at? It would be so fortuitous if you were teaching at Story campus; that could make for an easily coordinated cup of coffee. 

Let me know when you're available. I can be contacted at this email address this.email@address.com. 

Cheers!

E

From: Misplaced Advice
To: Emancipator 
Subject: PhD talk

Hi,

Thanks for getting in touch.  It's great to hear from you.

I am a full time prof at Story College - Phonics Campus which is at Range Road and 1008.  I teach part-time at Gold Plated University and The Newer University.  I used to teach part-time at The University of Critical Studies but not since 2005.  Right now I am just wrapping up a compressed 7 weeks course at Story College, am at Gold Plated University- BURB campus for one course all Summer and am doing an on-line course for The Newer University for the Summer term.  I am also doing a course for An Important Demographic through The Newer University - I see those students next weekend for a two day intensive.

If you haven't yet committed to a PhD program, I thought we should talk.  I didn't really understand what a PhD was until I was 2/3 of the way through it.  By that point I had too much invested to stop doing it.  I'm not sorry that I did it - it opened a lot of doors and there is a world of difference between having part of a PhD and having a completed PhD.  My big advantage in the job market was my 18 years of experience as an HR professional.  Even though my research sucks, no one else in my field has my work experience and a PhD.

What part of the city do you live in?  We live in Somewhere which is north of Nowhere.

All the best, 

Misplaced



Letter of Reference, Please


From: Wanting
Subject: Re: Letter of reference
Date: 15 January, 2011 3:48:16 PM EST
To: Mr. Meritocracy

Hi,

I hope you had a fantastic holiday!

I am writing to you to see if you would consider providing a reference for me to This University and That University for PhD studies. I have attached my CV and personal statement. They are due by the end of January.

Thanks so much!

Wanting

From: Mr. Meritocracy 
Subject: Re: Letter of reference
Date: 10 January, 2011 5:04:17 PM EST
To: The Hopeless

Hello,

Thank you for your email and attached documentation which I have read. Your CV is impressive and very well presented. Your statement of interest for That University is very clear, and informed by correspondence with some of their faculty. 

If I write a letter of reference on your behalf this would be the first one I would write on the basis of having had known the student only in one course. I can't help but think that a letter from a faculty member with whom you have taken more than one course, and in which your work was highly considered (A),  would be more helpful to you.

I write this with the knowledge that members of Admission Committee look carefully at all components of an application. In a competitive process, the strongest application is the one with the greatest strength in all the components of an application. From then on it is a matter of ranking. Hence my submitting the above suggestion for your consideration.

Sincerely yours,

Mr. M

Fuck


From: Writer 
Sent: March 30, 2013 3:12 PM
To: Panic
Subject: Fuck

You are playing in the big leagues and although I can’t totally understand your anxieties, I recognise hints of the feelings of self-doubt you express. I don’t know…I’m not sure it will ever go away or that it is a bad thing if it does not go away. Maybe it’s the secret fuel of ambition.

I remember being filled with tonnes of self-doubt and anxiety in my mid to late 20’s. People around me said I always appeared confident but I was convinced that the system was set up to personally screw me over. I knew I could do the aid work job well but could never catch a break, or did not have the right training or know the right people or whatever and just could not get ahead. At some point though, I caught a couple of breaks and eventually started to wonder if those above and ahead of me might also have similar anxieties of their own.

Looking back I realized I hadn’t actually done too badly during those years and maybe those anxieties might have been pushing me along.

Anxieties aside, you are where you are today because you deserve to be there – you earned your way to this point. I have no doubts you won’t keep moving ahead.  

revisiting past conclusions




From: old friend [mailto:old.friend@someuniversity.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 17, 2010 10:19 AM
To: challenger
Subject: Re: hello!


uh yes, i think you might have a vision of what it's like to be a tenured professor nearing retirement nailed, but the reality on the other side is somewhat more frightful. for certain you have that flexibility to drink cups of coffee at a leisurely pace while reading your newspapers, but always there in your mind is the guilt you carry because your funding application remains unfinished, or papers remain unmarked, or your proposal has stalled out. the leisure isn't unburdened and free: it comes at the opportunity cost of progress and you will know this all to well.



your meagre funding will carry you so far, but after four or five years this "pretirement" will catch up and your funding will run dry. you'll look at your friends you went to undergraduate with. they'll have titles like "manager" and a mortgage. you'll be overqualified for everything save for jobs in academia that don't exist except for those contractually limited term appointments where you won't have a spare moment to pursue your research passion because you're too busy lecturing a credit and a half each term, three terms a year.

you'll meet a guy and move in with him. he'll have a "real job" in the "real world" and provide for you, but you'll always envy that he earns a real paycheque while he'll resent that you sleep in mornings.

old friend

On 2012-12-17, at 4:17 PM, me wrote:

.... Do you still feel that this is our future?

From: old friend<old.friend@someuniversity.com>
Date: 17 December, 2012 5:58:02 PM EST
To: me
Subject: Re: I think about this a lot

wow, i sound bitter or something.

but i read this over and that's still how i feel.


my five years are up in september when they start billing me eight grand a year, but my supervisor's telling me that i'm optimistic if i think i'm going to be out by next december.



the people who are getting shortlisted for lectureships or tenure track positions that pay a "meagre" $65,000/year have three or four publications, if not more. i have one. and i'm desperately trying to push out eight chapters/60,000 words between now and august with not a spare moment to publish anything.

kids with masters degrees are managers and senior policy analysts making 80k +.

but it's not all bliss for those who have the three of four solid publications: my friend in this situation has interviewed thrice, with nary an offer.

if i'm "lucky" this time next year i'll be defending my phd, and i'll be unemployable without another year spent as a post-doc.

meanwhile, i've received six distracting emails from undergrads today pissed right off that they received marks of 78%+ in the bird course i teach them. believe it or not, 40% of the course receiving a's and an average of 76% isn't good enough anymore.

okay, enough of this.

old friend


Corrected scholarship application



CHAIR  <CHAIR@the.college.com> Thu, Sep 29, 2011 at 10:34 AM
To: Bloke <bloke@the.gollege.com>
Cc: advisor

Hi,

Here are my comments on your funding application.

The first thing that occurs to me is that this statement isn't altogether clear about what you intend to do. That is, how does your theoretical orientation and your methodology inform your analysis? It also does not help that you begin your plan of study with a series of questions. The first question posed is in the opening sentence and it is particularly awkward and would put off any reader. I think you need to rework the way that this plan of study is presented.

Are you able to complete the following sentences?

“My central research question is
“The planned doctoral thesis will be theoretically informed by
“My chosen method of investigation is
"My analytic approach and methodology therefore follow from my theoretical orientation in that
“What is missing from the literature and that my proposed doctoral studies will address is
“My object of analysis/case studies have been selected because
“In the end, what I hope to the proposed thesis will contribute to knowledge is a better understanding of

Your final paragraph is a bit weak. I would suggest you phrase it in the following way: “under the proposed direction of Great Supervisor I therefore intend toThe PhD program in awesome studies at The College is an ideal setting for this scholarship because

In the end, I think this is a worthwhile endeavor but it's not presented in a way that allows the reader to get behind the project. Primarily because it is not altogether clear how you intend to go about doing your research, what your research will offer the literature, nor how your findings will inform further theoretical considerations.

CHAIR


PhD bloke <bloke@the.college.com> Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 10:03 PM
To: chair@carleton.ca

Hi,

As followup to our brief conversation outside our building  this afternoon, I thought I would forward an UPDATED version of my proposal  for funding (see attached).

Much appreciated,
PhD bloke



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